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The Impact of Interest Rate Rises on Your Divorced Mind

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The Impact of Interest Rate Rises on your Divorced Mind

We can’t get away from the fact any more that the cost of living crisis must surely be impacting the majority of people by now.

Listening to the radio yesterday, I am torn once again between sympathy and irritation.

Sympathy for those who are REALLY suffering through no fault of their own, often in low paid ‘giving back’ type jobs such as teaching or nursing.

Sympathy for landlords (bear with me here) who invested heavily in buy-to-let properties when it was more lucrative, interest rates were low and before the tax rules changed and made it a bit harder for them. Irritation at their ‘poor me’ status when they didn’t take a long term view of what COULD go wrong and didn’t guard themselves against the inevitable downsides if it did. It has.

Irritation at the ‘we need to keep wages down’ argument which I believe is just a ploy by the Government and it’s press pals to gaslight us into believing the Unions are wrong and they just need to suck up the disadvantaged situation they find themselves in. Convenient reason to not agree to the union demands for increased wages and workers rights.

But what’s annoyed me personally today is that I’ve been proved right yet again. Yet another sign from the Universe to remind me to simply TRUST my intuition. It’s rarely wrong and although can be confused with fear, that’s actually pretty rare. Maybe it always was, I was just told it wasn’t, gas lit into believing that my intuition was just fear and unnecessary worry, unreasonableness and paranoia based upon uneducated, basic knowledge over something that really didn’t have much to do with me. ‘Stay in your lane Liz – you concentrate on the kids, the house, the garden and your little hobby business.’ Those weren’t the exact words spoken to me, but that’s 100% what I heard and felt.

When I was married I frequently asked how it would all work. How would we ever pay off the massive mortgage on our family home? How would we ever make enough money to pay it off, let alone do all the work needed on the house? How would his (our, but they were never really viewed or accepted as shared) multiple properties with interest only mortgages, with capital gains taken out often more than once, how would they ever make money for us without passing on a load of debt to our children? ‘Oh the kids just take on the debt.’ Wait, what? How will that work? Why would they WANT to take on a load of debt? If the properties were making a profit, why couldn’t we pay off some of the mortgages rather than keep them mortgaged up to the hilt? If they were just increasing in value (‘never sell – property always goes up’), then how would we actually GET the money out to use as we would need?

How would our pensions ever be enough to live on in our old age? When could we realistically expect to retire? How would the properties ever be enough to live off of when we were older? Could we really keep that rental for the kids to live in as adults so they could stay in the local area?

Eventually, I gave up. I’d have an bi-annual then a yearly attempt to gain more understanding, but I’d always be shooed away, told not to worry about it. The eye rolls and visible irritation at my confusion and uncertainty would make me feel stupid and silly.

Even getting an Independent Financial Advisor who spent a LOT of time trying to warn us that we were in a very risky financial position didn’t help. Was it because she was a woman? I don’t think so, he just didn’t want to hear it, convinced that he was right. I was just told to trust the money man, my Husband who knew so much, blindly ignoring my intuition that eventually gave up screaming but never rested completely.

Does this sound familiar? Have you been triggered by the headlines of yet more interest rate rises? Maybe you're even a tiny bit relieved that you KNEW you were right all along? I don’t think many of us feel smug, we’d much rather this wasn’t the case for us as well as thousands of others. But for thousands more, this is their reality. For those who have been screwed over financially, had money hidden from them, laws broken, been gas lit over and over again, lies and more lies – I see you and I hear you. You are not alone but that doesn’t make it OK.

My forthcoming book will explore all of these things further and help you to protect yourself if it hasn’t happened to you YET. When it’s released, I hope you can help others even if it’s too late for you by helping me to share it as widely as possible. This is the book with the knowledge that people can’t afford NOT to know.

For now, if your issues are purely financial then I’m afraid I can’t help you personally. If I become a millionaire or win the lottery one of my passion projects will be providing support and aid to those in need. In the meantime, contact your local Citizen’s Advice Bureau or the charity Gingerbread.

However, if:
• You’ve been massively triggered by yesterday’s news of rising interest rates
• You’re being gas lit, abused or bullied by your ex.
• You feel gas-lit by Rishi Sunak’s promise that ‘everything will be OK, I’ve totally got this’ (sounds familiar doesn’t it)???
• Any other emotional triggers or fears around the insecurity of money, your job, your life, your separation and/or divorce……

 …..then I can help you!

 At times like these we can’t NOT empower ourselves, work on our money wounds, heal from any toxic money trauma and do ‘the work’ to enable us to fully open up to the possibility and potential of being even MORE financially secure than you have been in the past, especially if that meant being in a marriage where the reality of the finances were kept from you.

 We messed up, we should have been more informed, more forceful, less naïve but we weren’t. Let that go so you can invest your energy on getting it right NOW.

Personally, I may not have as much money in the bank or my pension as I THOUGHT I had when I was married but being informed and empowered, knowing I have the ability, knowledge and most importantly the belief to change my financial situation far outweighs the uncertainty, the naivety, gullibility, and stupidity I used to feel. Fuck that, what a waste of time and energy. Now I use that to fill my determination account that I CAN and WILL never let that happen again.

As I finish this, I’ve just heard Rishi Sunak on the radio yet again ‘I am totally, 100% on it’ and I can hear the uncertainty in his voice. Contrast this statement to the certainty he gave us at the start of Covid when he impressed the masses with his confidence.

Don’t fall for it like you fell for your partner’s explanations over the finances. Educate yourself, inform yourself, empower yourself to take back control and get yourself sorted once and for all.

 No-one’s coming to rescue you. And even if they did, wouldn’t it feel out of this world better if they didn’t have to?

 Take control and turn things around. It’s possible for every one of you.